On Fudgies and Cone-lickers

The Fourth of July approaches, and with it, armies of fudgies, cone-lickers, and cabin critters, otherwise known as tourists.

I don't know what people in other parts of the nation or the world call those who come to visit, gawk, and enjoy their home territories, but here in Michigan, "fudgie" is the accepted term. It began on Mackinac Island, where fudge shops abound and every visitor seems destined to purchase a slab of sugary chocolate. Fudgie is not really an insult, although it can be. The people who work at the gas staions in my hometown laugh about fudgies who complain that they can't find our McDonalds. We have several families of McDonalds living in the area, but that's not what they mean. The answer is "We don't have one, but if you drive twenty miles due east, there's a town that does."

I once told a visitor that there is only one stoplight in our whole county. She froze in disbelief, a look one might call "the fudgie stare". It comes with the realization that they really, truly are removed from hospitals, movies, professional entertainment, box stores, 24-hour Rite-Aids, fast food, and sometimes cell phone and Internet connections. It's a culture shock they may have understood intellectually before arriving, but being unable to use one's iPad is another thing entirely.

In return, the fudgies sometimes call us cedar savages, picturing us holing up during the winter with a chain saw by the back door and jars of canned fish in the basement. Like most stereotypes, there's a grain of truth in both images. Fudgies do buy lots of fudge, ice cream, and silly tourist things like birch-bark notepads and pine cone coasters. And cedar savages do a lot of cutting and stacking wood so we'll be ready to get through the winter.

Not me, of course. I could keep warm for months just burning the multiple editions of my last manuscript.

The Problem with Mystery Readers

We've heard it all. We see where you're going, we know where you have to end up. We know how you think, and we know a clue when we see one. In short, we're pretty darned hard to fool.

I started reading mysteries at about fourteen. I've been from Donald to Dexter, from Paretsky to Poirot, and honestly, I'm not nearly as savvy as a lot of my friends in the mystery community. But familiarity with the genre means that when you, the author, spend a little too much time commenting on the nosy neighbor or the blue cashmere sweater, I, the reader, pick up on that, knowing it's important. It's like the minor role in the TV cop show that's played by a major actor. You just know he's coming back later in the story.

Conventions have to be used very carefully, therefore. Drawing everyone together to reveal the killer is WAY overdone, and it hardly ever makes sense unless we're all on a train or trapped in an abandoned mine. When it's done these days, it is often with humorous effect, a tactic demonstrated quite nicely by L. C. Tyler's TEN LITTLE HERRINGS. When the author's tongue is out of his cheek, however, it is fake, theatrical and flat for me, and I suspect that's true for many seasoned readers of mystery.

So what can a mystery author do? Whatever plot, scenario, or denouement he chooses has been done somewhere, sometime. If it hasn't, it's probably because it won't work. I think what we must strive for is freshness of character, excellence of style, and precision of plot. Maybe I've read ten versions of the-police-think-I-killed-her-so-I-have-to-clear-my-name this year, but if I like your protag and you tell the story with panache, I'll still enjoy, even when you mention that blue sweater for the third time.

Local News on the Eightball

I know I pick on them, but jeez! I used to be a speech teacher, and I wonder what happened to all those speech classes that one assumes newspeople must take.

A few hints:

Read/scan your copy ahead of time. If you don't know how to pronounce something, ask somebody and then write it phonetically. Giving the audience multiple choice versions is not cool.

Keep your lame attempts at humor to yourself. You're only revealing what we already suspected: that weathermen are nerds, that girl anchors are ditzes, and that sports guys are just a hair on the manic side.

Try to match your facial expression to the copy. Your big ol' smile as you tell us about that fire where three children died is disturbing.

And ladies, answer this: what did your eyebrows ever do to you to make you shave them off and draw them back on? Is it a rule somewhere that the morning show girl has to look like someone has a gun to her back?

Did You Have a Nice Stay?

Hotels always leave those little comment cards, asking what you liked and didn't like about your stay. Some send a follow-up email as well, apparently anxious to suck up so you'll return.

Like the conscientious soul I am, I try to help them out. "The remote needs batteries." "The toilet seat is wobbly." I figure these are things the maids would not typically notice, unless they are using the facilities or watching TV when they should be cleaning.

I have my own questions. "Why build a 100-unit motel and maintain it badly when you might have built a 50-unit place that you had a handle on?" "Why choose property between a strip club and a metal shop?" and for some of the more expensive ones, "Why does your desk staff seem to think that because they work in a pricey hotel, they, too, are of the upper crust?" My favorite for that type of hotel would be "Why can you rent me a room for $150.00 all weekend when I attend a conference and then jack the price up to $300.00 if I want to stay one more night? I mean, who are we kidding?"

On the Road Again

Are you Willie Nelson or Bob Dylan? Happy to hit the road or wishing you were Simon and Garfunkel, "Homeward Bound"?

I guess it depends on your reason for travel, and of course, your personality. I know people who never leave the town they were born in except for dire necessity, and I know people who keep a suitcase three-quarters packed in case someone suggests a trip. I tend more toward the latter, loving to see new places, but lately it's become a bit much. While I love meeting fans and talking about reading and writing, the travel tends to be repetitive. Motels are all the same, and a person can wake up disoriented, wondering if it's Boston or Buffalo. Restaurant meals have a sameness, too, and of course American cities have become in many ways carbon copies: so many cloverleafs, so many strip malls, so many access roads.

I guess what I need is a real trip, the kind where I see natural sights, visit unique city centers and picturesque countrysides. I think we used to call that a vacation.

An Old Friend You've Never Met

Surprisingly, sometimes you open a book and find a friend. It's not anyone you've met before, but right away you recognize the connection. You like the guy. You want to know more about him. You wouldn't mind having a cup of coffee and just listening to him talk.



I just met Lawrence Block's Bernie Rhodenbarr, (yeah, I know. I'm decades behind the rest of the world) and that is what happened. He's a crook, but I like him. I'm on page 16, so I've got lots of pages left to learn what makes him tick. The cup of coffee might be a stretch, though. I mean, I really can distinguish reality from fiction.



It's just that with characters like Bernie, you really wish that option was available.

The Plot Chicken or the Crime Egg?

Someone at my last talk asked if the crime comes first to my mind when a book idea is born or whether some other thing comes first and the crime follows. The answer? I don't know.

It's a process a bit like childbirth (sorry, guys). Once I've finished the book, the conception and gestation part gets kind of blurry. I forget the pain, and all I see is that beautiful baby.

I know I wanted Elizabeth Tudor in a series, so I guess character was the seed in that one. And my newest, just finished and NOW AVAILABLE, centers on a character who is quite unique, but the first thing I recall about it is that after living in Richmond for a short time I wanted to set a book there. So I think it's bits and pieces: a character I like, a plot that's intriguing, a setting of interest.

I do know that once I start on any book, I make a detailed outline of the crime itself, even if it does not enter into the book as such. No matter whether you're revealing a character, a setting, or a therem, a mystery writer has to understand the crime in order to lead the reader to it, giving fair clues so the reader may, if she wants, guess at the solution along with the protagonist.

Keep Those Cards and Letters Coming

Writing is a solitary occupation. We write what pleases us and then, sometimes timidly, sometimes not, we show it to the world. Often the world returns it with a brief comment, "Not for us" or "Not interested" or simply "No."

What keeps a writer going is someone, somewhere, who likes her work. For some, it's friends and family, although that isn't enough to get published. Still, some spend thousands of dollars to show their work to the world because Mom says it's really good.

For those of us who get beyond that, there is the business of publishing. Here the rewards come from sales, from reviews, and from fans. Fans should not be shy about telling writers that they like their work.

In a week that was downright awful, my sanity (whatever of it I still hold) was aided by two fans. At an artists' show on Saturday, a man told the director of the show how much he loved my books. She, bless her, brought him to me and had him repeat the praise. That same day I received a long letter from a fan, detailling everything she liked about two of my books. Honestly, it was like water to a drowing woman.

So when you read a book you like, find the author online and tell him or her so. Be brief but specific. Do it no matter how big the author is. Unsolicited praise is the best, and we love it when you say exactly what we've done that tickles your fancy.

Art and Craft

I'm getting ready for the Cheboygan Area Library's Artists of the Straits exhibit, starting tomorrow. It's fun to join with other artists, even if my art is different from macrame and acrylics. We share the need/drive/compulsion to express ourselves and the joy/fear/anticipation of presenting our work to the world. Stop in and take a look. We're all in place on Saturday from 11 to 2, and the show is up for the next week, with exhibitors taking turns manning the cashbox.

As Frank Would Say, "That's Life"

The week has been bad on the front lines of Personal Life. But last night I spoke at a small library to a small crowd of the nicest, most involved readers I've met in a while. It was a mixed audience: some aspiring writers, some mystery lovers, a writing teacher, and a couple of ladies who spoke mostly Polish but smiled a lot and loved the fact that they each won a book to take home with them. The group was lively and the questions were intelligent. Suddenly I'm pretty sure I can make it through June.

People who love to read are fun to be around. They won't agree on who is the best writer or what is the best series, but they're always willing to talk about it. As one man said after my talk, "It was just an hour, but we could have gone on a lot longer."

It's gratifying to be praised as a speaker. It's important to create interest in the books I write. But honestly, the most fun for me is talking with readers (and writers) about mysteries, books, and authors.

If only I could make a living doing that!

As Frank Would Say, "That's Life."

The week has been bad on the front lines of Personal Life. But last night I spoke at a small library to a small crowd of the nicest, most involved readers I've met in a while. It was a mixed audience: some aspiring writers, some mystery lovers, a writing teacher, and a couple of ladies who spoke mostly Polish but smiled a lot and loved the fact that they each won a book to take home with them. The group was lively and the questions were intelligent. Suddenly I'm pretty sure I can make it through June.

People who love to read are fun to be around. They won't agree on who is the best writer or what is the best series, but they're always willing to talk about it. As one man said after my talk, "It was just an hour, but we could have gone on a lot longer."

It's gratifying to be praised as a speaker. It's important to create interest in the books I write. But honestly, the most fun for me is talking with readers (and writers) about mysteries, books, and authors.

If only I could make a living doing that!

I Vote for Crazy

Just a thought. Crazy people have all the advantages. They say what they want, do as they want, and think only in scattered moments. The rest of us run around trying to please them, help them, placate them. So tell me, which group is having more fun?

Expert-ism

This morning at breakfast, my husband and I were discussing experts. The news is full of stories about what one expert or another says should be done about taxes, education, crime, oil spills, you-name-it. While I am willing to listen, not considering myself to be an expert on any of those topics, I respect most of all the person who thinks for himself. I strive to be one of those people.

History is a great teacher, neglected by many. The advice of experts of other times now seems downright awful. The idea of putting powdered dog feces in the eyes of a person with vision problems is an example that springs to mind. We might think, "But we're more scientific now." I'm sure every generation has thought of itself as more enlightened than earlier ones, but consider how many mistakes medical experts have made just in our lifetimes. (Don't bother trying to count the mistakes of policitians!)

Experts are often people steeped in the dogma of the time, perhaps so much so that they cannot think outside conventional thought. As an expert spends years getting educated to the point of being recognized as an expert, he is immersed in accepted practice for so long that it must be hard to think independently, not to mention to step away from what one's colleagues believe and practice. Experts are also people, meaning that they have innate prejudices and collected experiences that make them see things in a particular way. My years as a teacher, for example, make it hard for me to accept concepts like No Child Left Behind, a nice idea created by experts who do not deal with day-to-day classroom situations.

The world of books and publishing is by no means lacking experts. Experts advise us on how to write, how to query, how to promote, and how to brand. But the experts are often no better than the rest of us at predicting who will succeed and who will fail.

I'm no expert, but I do as my grandmother used to advise me, "Listen to what they say, and then think whatever you like."

Knitting Up the Ravel'd Sleeve of Care

It is stating the obvious to write that Shakespeare was a genius, but every once in a while, that fact is brought home to me with such clarity that I have to do it. As writers, we know about themes and how they enrich a story. In MACBETH, the theme of sleep is handled brilliantly.

At the outset, Macbeths have no idea that murder sticks with a person. They think (although he is less convinced of it than she is) that once the king is dead, everything will be fine. But once it is done, they are haunted by their action. The murder eventually brings about their doom, but in the short term, it manifests most clearly in sleep. He becomes unable to sleep at all. She does, but we see the turmoil that occurs when she lets her subconscious take over.

I don't think mystery writers take enough note of such things. Not being murderers ourselves, we might assume that they go blithely on their way, unbothered by their crimes. While that may be true of psychopaths and sociopaths, an ordinary person who kills will suffer afterward. Shakespeare's demonstration of that, while not the only one, is a good one. For most of us, sleep restores, puts our troubles into perspective, and allows us to begin anew. For the guilty, I would guess that sleep is evasive and likely to further unravel that "sleeve of care".

Naming and Renaming Yourself

I got a book contract yesterday, and it forces me to make a decision. Since the story is quite different from everything else I've got out there, I have to decide if I'm going to use my usual author name or choose something else.

"Experts" in the industry (if there is such a thing) often suggest an author have a name for each different genre or subgenre. I began with historicals. so Peg Herring should be associated with them in the minds of readers. Since this book is paranormal mystery, I imagine the experts coming up with exotic names like Pamela Divine or Rebecca Starr. (Okay, those sound more like porn actresses than authors.)

I don't think so. My name is my name, and smart readers, the kind I want to attract, don't read in just one genre or subgenre. If they like my historicals, they might also like my "vintage"Vietnam-era mystery, and they should enjoy this new one, too.

What I strive for is always the same: a good story with a well-contructed plot and characters a person can root for. The details that add interest are historical in the case of the Simon & Elizabeth series while they are more nostalgic in GO HOME AND DIE and the new one, THE DEAD DETECTIVE AGENCY. Either way, readers get little extras along with all the excitement of murder and mayhem, details that make them smile, remember, or shake their heads in wonder. That's the kind of story I promise when I sign the name my mother gave me.

Putting Stress into Perspective

The best way to overcome the stress of modern life, I have found, is to consider the past. For me, it's the Tudors, my favorite era. I might worry about the future, but no one is going to drag me into a dungeon, feed me on moldy bread and brackish water, and then burn me at the stake or slice my head off with an axe.

I might stress over the multitude of tasks I am expected to do, but if I don't measure up, no one is going to brand a letter on my forehead so everyone will know what sort of failure I am.

And I can feel overcome by the ever-quickening pace of the world without fear of spending sun-up to sun-down in the stocks with passers-by encouraged to throw at my face whatever nasty things they might find lying around.

And since I'm still working on that Katherine Parr costume for the RWA conference ( in Orlando in July), I will add that, whatever my worries and dreads in this life, I don't have to face them in hoops, corsets, and ten pounds of velvet fabric!

Guilty of Book Prejudice?

I will admit that I am. If I've somewhere along the line decided I don't like an author or a book, I cannot make myself give him/it another chance. Classics that I should read (THE BROTHERS K, for example) turned me off and I can't get over it. Authors I find preachy, silly, shallow or overly dramatic may have other series, other books than the one I read, but my expectation is that I won't like their work.

Last night I took a copy of a VERY famous author's newest book (given as a freebie at Malice Domestic) and tried to read it. I had read her stuff long ago and disliked it, but it's been years. She's probably gotten better; I've probably gotten over it. Right?

Conditions were right: I had nothing else to read, the evening was long, and I was relaxed. On the first page, I hit a sentence that reminded me of what I didn't like before, and that was it.

There's an opposite to this which shows that some people are better than I am. (Maybe better readers, maybe better people!) Last week a woman admitted to me that someone had recommended my book to her, but she'd been reluctant to read it. "I don't like history," she told me. "I was never interested in the past, and I don't like stories about dead famous people." What, then, makes her a better person than I am? Her final sentence. "But I tried your book and I have to tell you. I couldn't put it down." Now there's an unprejudiced reader (Applause, applause, applause).

Who Says It's Hilarious?

One gets used to Overspeak in book blurbs. One must. Still, it bothers me, despite lowered expectations, that the term "hilarious" is used to describe the book I'm reading right now. It says on the cover: "This book is hilarious. I laughed till I wet myself." (Okay, I invented that last bit, but you know the sort of over-the-top comment I refer to.)

The book is not hilarious. It isn't even particularly funny. As a matter of fact, I don't think the author MEANT it to be funny. What it is is a run-of-the-mill mystery, the type we read all the time because we read mysteries. And isn't run-of-the-mill okay? Can everything we pick up be the be-all and end-all of modern fiction? Why did some blurber think he had to say the book was hilarious?

I guess for the same reason that all Hollywood actresses are stunning, all stain removers are amazing, and all soldiers are heroic. We've lost the will to describe anything in terms of normalcy. It should be all right to say simply, "It was a good book. I enjoyed reading it." Not that that is likely to happen.

Two Word Reviews

Here are some books I've read recently and my two word reactions.



Fault Line by Barry Eisler---Not Barry

Ten Little Herrings by L.-C. Tyler---Very cute

Death and the Lit Chick by G. M. Malliet----Unexpectedly entertaining

Trunk Music by Michael Connelly----Always quality

The Weed That Strings the Hangman's Bag by Alan Bradley----Still funny

Internet Issues

Okay, so I'm late today. The Net was not cooperating, and I got a call from my provider that said, "Hey, the Net is not cooperating...at your house. Call tech support." Gee, thanks, guys. I would rather have a coffee klatch with Sarah Palin.
Or maybe not.
Anyway, I did the unplug-and-wait thing, and it eventually worked. No tech support today, world. What a great feeling to have conquered a problem, albeit a small one, and prevailed!
So guess what. That's today's blog.